Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't deserve a penis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
