I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can I color on your dick again?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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