do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
