I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
