I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
