I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
