This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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