been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
