No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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