roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
