He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
