dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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