You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
