His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
