You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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