Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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