DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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