I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
