Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
