Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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