So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
