I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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