I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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