he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
