my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
