Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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