he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
