watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
