Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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