My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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