Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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