the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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