i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No subtext here. People are naked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We left the knife in your bed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
