That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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