It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
