im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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