dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I want is dick and wine.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
