this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
