I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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