Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
