Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
