And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
