Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
