Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
