just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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