OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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