woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
foreskin is a definite game changer
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
