Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
