I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize