I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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