Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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