I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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