Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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